What Love Is About
by AnnCarter
Summary: After she finds out Simon met someone else, John teaches Elizabeth a thing or two about love. Set between The Siege III (2X01) and The Intruder (2X02), when they're back in Earth. [Slight Sam/Jack mentioned, just because I couldn't leave them out3]


_All rights for the Stargate franchise are MGM's. As usual, I own nothing._

Side note: I WILL continue Finding Lizzie, and the next chapter is actually halfway written. I just need to finish this bloody semester first :S

* * *

"There's something else." Simon paused, and she already knew what he was going to say. "I met someone."

Trying to ignore the feeling her world was falling apart, Elizabeth turned away. What did she expect him to do? Just wait for her, possibly until he dies? She couldn't believe she'd done something this stupid.

"You were gone for a long time, Elizabeth," He said, mirroring her thoughts. It seemed as though he wanted to say something more, but eventually he walked away, leaving her alone. She silently extinguished the flame and then left, trying her best not to cry on her way back to the Stargate Command.

As she'd expected, the SGC was quiet at this time of the day. The only times things happened around Cheyenne Mountain this late were when there was an emergency. But given the current status in the Milky Way – with the Goa'uld being gone and no other enemy showing up – any emergencies were not expected during the night.

The guard standing in the entrance seemed surprised to see her there that late, but nevertheless, she let her in. Two elevators later, Elizabeth was already on her way to her room – the room she had been given but never expected to actually use during their stay.

Knowing her entire senior staff must have been asleep by now – especially Rodney, with his constant complaints about the different time zone and the lemon-spiced food – she let go of her self-control and let herself cry. She couldn't believe she was really that blind; how could she expect Simon to wait for her for this long?

"Elizabeth?" John's voice made her look up to find herself staring into his eyes. He seemed surprised to see her, but more than that, he was clearly worried. "What's wrong?"

She tried to smile and hold the rest of her tears back. "Nothing. Why are you still up?"

"Something's wrong." He ignored her question, studying her thoroughly. "It's that Simon guy?"

"Everything is fine, John." She insisted, trying to tell him to stop asking.

His eyes hardened. "What did he do?" His voice was quiet but dangerous nevertheless, telling her if Simon was there right now, he'd have treated him no differently than a Wraith. John had an amazing sense of loyalty and she admired that about him, but right now, all she wanted him to do is to let her go.

"It was my fault, John," She said softly. "Leave it alone."

He hesitated for a moment before eventually nodding. "Fine. Do you want to go out and get something to drink?"

She wanted to say no, but before she knew what was happening, she found herself nodding. He led her back up and outside and quickly started his car. They were completely silent during their short drive to Colorado Springs, Elizabeth too deeply thinking and John looking at her worriedly while driving. They said nothing as he parked outside a quiet, seemingly-empty bar and as they walked inside, John leading Elizabeth towards an empty place in the back.

"How is everybody?" She asked quietly, noticing he wouldn't stop looking at her.

He shrugged. "Carson is complaining about all the names he has to review," She shook her head slightly, smiling, "Rodney thinks everything in lunch has lemon in it because he's there," She laughed quietly and he smiled softly. "Same old thing. Actually," He leaned towards her as if sharing a secret, "I asked them specifically to cook everything with lemon."

She laughed again. "You are unbelievable."

"Hey! It's not like they needed any encouragement after his last two visits to the SGC!" He protested, making her laugh harder. "Especially not after he told them he's 'still better than Lieutenant Colonel Carter'," He added, air quoting as he repeated Rodney's words.

"He's learning, though," She said once she managed to stop laughing. "The first day I met him he was horrible."

"When was that?" He asked, looking at her curiously.

"About… a year and a half ago, I think." She thought for a moment, slowly remembering the details of her first meeting with Rodney. "The President had just made Colonel O'Neill Brigadier General, and I made the way to Antarctica, towards the Ancient Outpost. Rodney introduced himself as the 'Actually Clever Carter Version'," He laughed, "And complained about the temperatures even before letting me say who I was."

"He was in Russia, wasn't he?"

She nodded. "Thanks to his behavior, no doubt."

"No doubt," He agreed. Seeing she was feeling better after talking about their team and the drink she had, John turned serious again. "What happened with Simon?"

"Nothing," She mumbled, looking away.

"I've known you too long to believe that now, 'Lizabeth." His voice was soft. Seeing as she wouldn't speak, he continued. "I've seen you facing the Genii, the Wraith, people trying to undermine your authority – including me – but I've never seen you cry. Whatever it was, it _is_ a big deal to you."

She sighed. "It's nothing. It's just… I thought… now that we're back, I thought he would join us in Pegasus. It hasn't been that long; just a year. Who thought things will change this fast?"

"He's seeing someone?" He asked quietly, already knowing what she means.

She nodded. "I can't believe I didn't see it coming." She sighed once again. "I told him we were going to another galaxy and there's a change we'll never come back, but here I was, thinking that he just waited the way I did."

John looked at her quietly and softly for a long moment before getting up and sitting back down next to her. To her surprise, he hugged her gently, pulling her as close to him as he could.

"It's not your fault," He said quietly. "It just means he wasn't worth it. He _isn't_ worth it," He added. "If he really loved you the way you love him, he'd have waited for you for an eternity." She shook her head against his shoulder, crying quietly once again. "It's true. I know when love isn't really love. And apparently this isn't."

"It doesn't matter how much you love-"

"Of course it does. You're not dead."

"I could have died. There was a chance I would. There's still a chance we all will. He couldn't know-"

"Look," He pulled back to be able to look at her. "I know that if I were him, I'd have waited until I knew for sure you're either coming back or never coming back. There are more than people who would do that than you think. But it's just for a specific person, not for everybody. Look at General O'Neill and Colonel Carter." She frowned. "They fought to get each other back every time, no matter how high the chances were that either of them would die."

"That's different," She mumbled.

"How is that different?" He insisted. "That's love. That's true, genuine love. Even when they tried moving on they couldn't. And look at them now – they've been together for quite some time now."

"That doesn't happen," She insisted. "It's a once-in-a-million relationship."

"Is it?" His voice was soft all of a sudden. "It's not easy to lose someone you love, but there's no reason to be blaming yourself on it. And if Simon can't see what a big loss it is for him, he never deserved you in the first place. That just means there's someone else waiting for you."

"Do you really believe that?" She asked, clearly not believing him. "That doesn't sound like you."

He gave her his lopsided grin. "Almost everything I did in the past ten months doesn't sound like me; how is that any different?" She smiled, looking down. He turned serious again. "Look, you deserve someone who'd wait a million years for you; who'd cross the universe to find you. Simon isn't that guy. That doesn't make it your fault."

"Since when do you have so much experience in relationships?" She teased.

He grinned again. "Since I met this woman and she taught me everything there is to know about human beings." Glancing at his watch, he added, "I think we should head back to the SGC."

Seeing the time, she nodded. "I suppose. I guess it will all be better when we get back home."

He quickly paid for their drinks and nodded. "I didn't think it'd happen so fast, but Earth really doesn't feel like home anymore," He said as they walked outside. "I wasn't sure I wanted to come to Atlantis at all, but now I'm sure I don't want to go back to Earth anytime soon."

"I suppose that's what being away from Earth does." She said.

He started the car and began driving back to Cheyenne Mountain before answering. "I don't think it's just that, though. Look at us. It feels like a family, doesn't it? More than anything else, it feels like a real, actual home. We're not many, but that's what makes it so unique."

"I guess," She agreed quietly. "I guess that's why he would never fit in there."

He remained silent for long few minutes, letting her think as he drove into the parking and walked her back to her room. "Look, 'Lizabeth," He said quietly as they reached the door to her room. She turned around to look at him, her green eyes meeting his hazel ones. "The thing is, each and every one of us would go after you in a heartbeat if we thought something had happened to you. We wouldn't just wait; we'd go search every single atom in the universe to find you. That's the way it is. And you can ask everyone that; they'd all tell you the same thing.

"And that's what love is about. That's what caring and admiring and adoring is about. There isn't one in Atlantis who isn't proud to say you're our leader. Not a single person. Not even Rodney, who would never admit someone is actually better at something than he is." She smiled slightly. "My point is… if Simon can't understand that, he never deserved you. Hell, half of us never deserved you. Especially me."

 _Especially me. Especially me._ Her mind kept repeating as she stared at him. _Especially me._ Why would he say that? _Especially me._ Why him? Why especially?

And staring into his warm hazel eyes, she finally realized what he's been trying – although undoubtedly subconsciously – to tell her.

One of her hands opening the door, she took his hand and pulled him into her room. He frowned but followed her and looked at her silently as she closed the door and turned to look at him. "'Lizabeth?" He mumbled, not entirely sure what was going on.

She loved the way he said her name.

Before he knew what was happening, she was kissing him, her arms wrapping around his neck. He was shocked for a few seconds, but eventually kissed her back, his kiss rapidly moving between hunger and softness. His hands pulled her closer to him, wanting to feel her pressed against him. She loved the way it felt to be so close to him.

And then he pulled back.

"John?" She asked quietly, her heartbeat rising at the pain in his eyes.

"I can't do that," He whispered. "I know you need to be with someone, but I can't do that."

"What?" She mumbled, confused and hurt. "What… what do you mean?"

"I just…" He looked away for a moment before looking back into her eyes. She was nearly overwhelmed by the strength of the feelings she saw there. "I won't do that. I know you need to not be alone right now, but I can't…" He took a deep breath, "I won't take advantage of you, 'Lizabeth."

"Advantage?" She mumbled, still not understanding what he was talking about.

He nodded slightly. "I'm sorry. But when you wake up tomorrow you'll know it was the right thing."

"No." He blinked, surprised. "No, it wasn't."

"'Lizabeth-"

"Because I love you."

He looked up at her, his eyes widening slightly. "What?"

She looked down. "I can't believe it took me this long to see it," She said quietly. "But the things you said about losing each other and…" She shook her head slightly. "John, the thought of losing you was the worst thing that had ever crossed my mind. And when I saw you in front of the Gate, back home, I just…" Tears filled her eyes again, but she held them back, knowing he would notice them nevertheless.

He looked at her quietly as she spoke, but the moment she stopped to breathe he pulled her back to him, effectively stopping her. His lips pressed against hers and his tongue gently parted them. His hands cupped her cheeks gently as he kissed her, finally doing the one thing he'd wanted to do almost since the day they'd arrived to Atlantis.

When he pulled back eventually, he looked into her eyes quietly, one of his hands still resting against her cheek. "'Lizabeth…" He mumbled, his affection clear in his eyes.

"Isn't that what love is about?" She mumbled back, making him smile.

"Yeah," He agreed quietly. "Yeah, it is."

"That woman you mentioned…" She continued, returning to their conversation at the bar. "Was it…?"

"Yes," He replied, knowing who she was thinking about. "Of course it was you." He paused before adding softly, "It could never have been anyone else."

Blushing slightly, she looked down. "What happens now?" She asked eventually, her voice still quiet.

"Now you'll get some sleep," He replied, letting her go. "We'll finish everything we have to do here and go back home." Seeing the insecurity in her eyes, he added softly, "I'll never do that to you, 'Lizabeth. Trust me."

"I do." She replied automatically, telling him – and herself – just how much she really trusted him.

He smiled softly. "Good. Then I'll see you tomorrow morning." He hesitated for a heartbeat before gently pressing his lips against hers. "Goodnight," He mumbled when he pulled back.

"Goodnight," She replied as he opened the door and left, closing the door after him. She looked at the door for long few minutes before lying down in her bed and closing her eyes, thinking about the bigger – and more important – adventure waiting for her and John when they get back to Atlantis.


End file.
